The Surpassing Horror of Heathbridge Etc.

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<<set $dollroom = 0>><<set $porcelainkey = 0>><<set $poison = 0>><<set $turkey = 0>><<set $cabinet = 0>><<set $saber = 0>><<set $kidscare = 0>><<set $key = 0>><<set $sweet = 0>><<set $crone = 0>>It is a dark and ghoulishly humid night. The oppressive lack of storminess fills you to your weeping armpits with malaise. Your buddies from Saxon High--characters all--have dared you to creep up the weeded path to Heathbridge Manor, the owner of which murdered his entire family probably and left the place super moldering and forlorn a hundred years ago, back when that sort of thing happened a lot. If this weren't bad enough, you've been solemnly double dared to bring back, I don't know, a skull or some shit, or a knight helmet, or anything you could use to smoke up with. But wouldn't that be breaking and entering, you rejoined? They mulled that over and concluded that they did not give a shit. So now you're here. <<replacelink "At the creepy-ass front door.">> You've picked your way across the gopher-ravaged mud spa of a front yard and now the damp-swollen double doors lay before you. In the dusty little window-panes you see the current year 1997 tattooed on your forehead. You know, you may have an issue with peer-pressure. You could [[knock?]] Or [[gently try the handle?]]<</replacelink>>

You knock? Nobody answers. Of course nobody answers. It's, the house is abandoned. Are you trying to get spooked? It sort of seems like you're trying to get spooked. Sooner or later you wise up and try the handle. <<display "gently try the handle?">>

The rust croaks sensually and yields to your ingress. <<display "foyer">>

You stand within the manor's frayed foyer. <<once>>Victorian motifs peg the wounded walls of the room, from the blackening coat of arms to the row of <<hoverreplace>>photographs of sick children.<<becomes>><<if $kidscare eq 0>>photographs of GRINNING CHILDREN.<<set $kidscare = 1>><<else>>..hm? No, just photographs of sick children.<</if>><</hoverreplace>> <<if $crone eq 0>><<if $saber eq 0>>[[Crossed sabers hang over the fireplace.]]<<else>><<replacelink "Crossed sabers hang over the fireplace.">>No, your mistake, there's no sabers. You don't need any sabers. Move on.<</replacelink>><</if>><<else>>[[Crossed sabers hang over the fireplace.]]<</if>><<becomes>><<set $foyer = 1>><</once>><<if $foyer eq 1>> <<replacelink "You might examine it more closely, if you could quell your pounding heart.">>Victorian motifs peg the wounded walls of the room, from the blackening coat of arms to the row of <<hoverreplace>>photographs of sick children.<<becomes>><<if $kidscare eq 0>>photographs of GRINNING CHILDREN.<<set $kidscare = 1>><<else>>..hm? No, just photographs of sick children.<</if>><</hoverreplace>> <<if $crone eq 2>><<if $saber lte 1>>[[Extremely sharp, imposing, eminently portable and completely unguarded crossed sabers hang tantalizingly over the fireplace.|Crossed sabers hang over the fireplace.]]<<else>>A single saber hangs over the fireplace.<</if>><<elseif $crone eq 0>><<if $saber eq 0>>[[Crossed sabers hang over the fireplace.]]<<elseif $saber eq 1>><<replacelink "Crossed sabers hang over the fireplace.">>No, your mistake, there's no sabers. You don't need any sabers ==at this moment==. Move on.<</replacelink>><<else>>A single lonely saber hangs over the fireplace.<</if>><</if>><</replacelink>><</if>> There are doors [[west]], [[east]], and <<if $mezza gte 1>>[[up the by all evidence reliable staircase.|up the very possibly safe staircase.]]<<else>>[[up the very possibly safe staircase.]]<</if>>

You're no expert, but you believe these were mid 19th-century Union cavalry sabers smithed in New York by one of Samuel Winston's apprentices. <<if $crone eq 0>>You should probably [[leave these alone,|foyer]] since you don't have any reason to [[take them down.]]<<else>>You should probably [[leave these alone,|foyer]] since [[you hardly have any reason to take them down at all, now that you think about it.]]<</if>>

You now stand within the decrepit dining chamber. <<once>>It is safe to say that dinner has grown cold. The china is smeared with dusty congealments, ageworn bones, and roughly a hundred expired arthropod diners. Unaccountably, the silver tray bears a [[perishingly dry but otherwise untouched turkey framed with tarnished utensils.]]<<becomes>><<set $dining = 1>><</once>><<if $dining eq 1>><<replacelink "Dare you survey its grotty flatware?">>It is safe to say that dinner has grown cold. The china is smeared with dusty congealments, ageworn bones, and roughly a hundred expired arthropod diners. Unaccountably, the silver tray bears a [[perishingly dry but otherwise untouched turkey framed with tarnished utensils.]]<</replacelink>><</if>> You can journey [[east to the foyer.|foyer]] Alternately, <<if $key eq 1>>[[a door to the kitchen beckons.|kitchen]]<<else>><<replacelink "a door to the kitchen beckons.">>an extremely locked door to the kitchen gestures rudely.<</replacelink>><</if>>

You have entered the gruesome gallery. <<once>>Woe! Woe is captured in every brushstroke and fingerpaint-smear of this macabre portrait-hall. The frigid likenesses of men and women long dead hang above helpfully expository placards, eyes burning with keen and hateful judgment. You are just now realizing you didn't take off your shoes when you came in. The north wall is dominated with a [[singular painting]]; difficult to spot, despite its size, as the light that strains weakly from the foyer hardly touches it. In the wall's corner stands a door, nailed crudely shut. <<becomes>><<set $gallery = 1>><</once>><<if $gallery eq 1>><<replacelink "You're welcome to view the paintings...and they are welcome to view you.">>Woe! Woe is captured in every brushstroke and fingerpaint-smear of this macabre portrait-hall. The frigid likenesses of men and women long dead hang above helpfully expository placards, eyes burning with keen and hateful judgment and there's a lot of dirt and dead bugs in here, what are you going to do, walk around in your socks? The north wall is dominated with a [[singular painting]]; difficult to spot, despite its size, as the light that strains weakly from the foyer hardly touches it. In the wall's corner stands a door, <<if $crone eq 0>>nailed crudely shut.<<else>>which is open, as if you'd ever want to go back.<</if>><</replacelink>><</if>> You can journey [[west to the foyer.|foyer]]

<<once>><<set $mezza eq 1>>You have ascended the suspect staircase and stand upon the menacing mezzanine. <<becomes>><<set $mezza = 2>><</once>><<if $mezza eq 2>>You stand upon the menacing mezzanine.<</if>> Before you is an array of discomforting doors, like <<hoverreplace>>[[this foreboding door|door]]<<becomes>>this locked door<</hoverreplace>> and <<hoverreplace>>[[this gothic door|door]]<<becomes>>this locked door<</hoverreplace>> and also <<hoverreplace>>[[this sinister door|door]]<<becomes>>this locked door<</hoverreplace>> and then there's <<hoverreplace>>[[this scratched door|door]]<<becomes>>this locked door<</hoverreplace>> and <<hoverreplace>>[[this rotten door|door]]<<becomes>>this locked door<</hoverreplace>> and <<hoverreplace>>[[this dusty door|door]]<<becomes>>this locked door<</hoverreplace>>. <<if $dollroom eq 0>>Oh, and there's a [[double door.]]<<else>>[[There's also a door to the dollroom, if that's what you want to happen right now.|Click.]]<</if>> You're also welcome to [[descend.|foyer]]

...what for?<<set $saber = 1>> No, you don't need these. This is a perfectly innocent if unseasonably moist evening of high-spirited monkey-shines in a death palace. There is no logical reason for you to arm yourself ==yet== and you should [[move on.|foyer]]

<<if $turkey eq 0>>The fowl lurks on the serving tray, dry and evidently unseasoned, eerily garbed in those white paper booties one never actually sees in the wild. How long has this been here? Hold on. There, by the cavity...there's a little pale glimmer. [[You could reach out delicately for it, hand trembling the whole way as though an orchestra was reaching crescendo.]] Or you could [[not do that.|west]] <<else>>The turkey doesn't do anything else cool. [[You may as well step back.|west]]<</if>>

<<once>>Your key shrills in the unaccomodating lock, but the tumblers yield. The hinge groans a warning as you push the door open upon the fly kingdom beyond. <</once>>Behold; the gory galley. <<once>>What recipes did these filthy instruments deliver? What horrors were made mundane and nightly upon the ruined surfaces? The crown jewel of obscenity within this vile kitchenette is undoubtedly the [[island counter:]] painted in long-dried fluids and garnished with gouges, it speaks to a passion for amateur butchery and unwillingness to invest in disposable wipes. <<if $cabinet eq 0>>A single cabinet [[hangs open.]]<<else>>The cabinet remains mercifully shut...for now.<</if>><<becomes>><<set $kitchen = 1>><</once>><<if $kitchen eq 1>><<replacelink "Does the pestilence it conceals bear further study?">>What recipes did these filthy instruments deliver? What horrors were made mundane and nightly upon the ruined surfaces? The crown jewel of obscenity within this vile kitchenette is undoubtedly the [[island counter:]] painted in long-dried fluids and garnished with gouges, it speaks to a passion for amateur butchery and unwillingness to invest in disposable wipes. <<if $cabinet eq 0>>A single cabinet [[hangs open.]]<<else>>The cabinet remains mercifully shut...for now.<</if>><</replacelink>><</if>> You can journey [[out to the dining room.|west]]

<<if $crone eq 1>>A field of--actually, forget this painting, who exactly are you fooling.<<else>>A field of crisp grey snow upon a foreboding sky; between heaven and earth--and soiling both--stretches a hedge of crooked black trees. <<replacelink "It's difficult to make out much detail without leaning in very closely.">><<replacelink "There, between two trees, dressed as darkly as the shadowy bark; a murky crone. Her finger is oustretched. Does she beckon, or do you imagine it?">><<replacelink "The crone lurking in the dark smiles toothlessly.">><<set $crone = 1>>...no, it's just a small painting of a crone. Isn't moving or anything. Thank goodness.<</replacelink>><</replacelink>><</replacelink>><</if>> [[...back to the other works, then?|gallery1]]

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<<if $crone eq 0>><<display "east">><<else>>You turn back to-- Oh there she is she was right behind you and she's got really big white eyes and one tooth the size of a thumbtack and she's holding a rotten sock full to bursting with doorknobs. <<if $saber eq 1>>If only you had a weapon, you utter fool.<</if>> She shrieks with megagenarian glee and kneads her floppy, bloodstained cudgel. Will you [[flee through the now-ajar northern door?]] Alternately, will you [[die?]] <</if>>

Away! your heart urges with its voiceless and horrified throes. Your greedy feet devour the carpet, throwing up dust and dead beetles in an urgent cloud; you are through the doorway and hurtling into the gloomy hall. Giddy malice follows close behind on too-fast slippered feet. The darkness is impenetrable. If you hadn't chosen Echolocation as last semester's elective, you would be at the crone's mercy for sure, but she is no less nimble in the dark. There! [[An open door!]]

OK. --THE END--

And not a moment too soon! You slam the door shut after you, and as the wood is rammed against your shoulder you manage to throw the ancient bolt home. The hammering quickly ceases; you hear creaking footsteps depart. Well! that was fortunate. Anyhow, you have discovered the unbelievably disgusting toilet cubicle. To your right is a small shelf bearing Edwardian shopping catalogs, petrified guest soaps, and a <<replacelink "dish of keys.">><<set $key = 1>>dish that did recently contain a key until you stuffed it gleefully into your pocket. Oh, also, there's a little window you can climb out of to get out of here, which is [[literally the only thing you can think about doing at this present moment.]]<</replacelink>><<set $crone = 2>>

With some pains, you struggle out into... ...the entry hall. Truly, the mind reels at the <<hoverreplace>>impossible<<becomes>>incompetent<</hoverreplace>> architecture of this demented manse. <<display "foyer">>

Have you thoroughly considered the possibility that the crone wishes to share her magazine-published recipe for raisin scones? Which she's stuffed into a rotten sock? And garnished with blood? Oh, fine, [[you take a sword.|foyer]]<<set $saber = 2>>

There, amidst the bloodslime and leftover stuck-in onion husk: a carved message. <<hoverreplace>>D I N N E R I S M U R D E R<<becomes>>M U R D E R I S D I N N E R<</hoverreplace>> [[Well, that was...enlightening?|kitchen]]

Within the gloomy crevice glimmer a half-dozen mason jars. Unwholesome pickles fill this culinary durance to its limits. The only other thing within reach is a single boiled sweet in a wax wrapper, which you take without actually thinking about it.<<set $sweet = 1>> Wait. Is this a boiled...sweet...key? You can't imagine this thing holds up to a lot of torsion, but then, you're not a confectionary locksmith. Abruptly a rusty squeak rises. One of the lids is unscrewing itself. [[Pro-o-bably be a good time to close the cabinet.|kitchen]]<<set $cabinet = 1>>

Your jitterbugging fingers draw nearer, nearer... Oh. You were afraid it'd be something unsettling, but it appears to just be <<hoverreplace>>[[the head of a porcelain doll.]]<<becomes>>[[the head of a porcelain doll THAT'S SEIZING YOUR FINGERS.]]<</hoverreplace>>

<<display "the head of a porcelain doll THAT'S SEIZING YOUR FINGERS.">>

Let me teach you grandmother's stuffing recipe! it shrieks as it pulls inexorably. It calls for equal parts you and YOUR BLOOD! Your arm vanishes to the armpit within the turkey! As terror tenderizes your heart and lungs and the doll cackles merrily, your world shrinks to only two desperate and ghoulish possibilities: [[Eat the century-old turkey before it becomes your prison]]--or [[die!|die?]]<<if $saber eq 2>> [[Or you could use your saber.]]<</if>>

There is nothing for it: for you to live, this dead turkey must die. As the doll tugs your shoulder past the meat, you set your teeth against the overcripsed skin. Dry gobbets of dessicated birdflesh tumble past your molars and are smeared like sawdust against the roof of your mouth. Oh! for a rotten tureen of haunted gravy! The doll senses your desperate ploy! Another cold set of fingers seizes your neck, and you are hauled crownfirst through the bony orifice! You gnash your teeth in the dark... ...and taste fresh air. You stumble from the dish. What remains is the ravaged tatters of a fowl...[[and a porcelain key.|west]]<<set $porcelainkey = 1>><<set $poison = 1>>

Yes, that does make more sense. You hack the fowl to flinders and spare your stomach further agonies. Oh, look, [[a porcelain key.|west]] That was hardly traumatic at all.<<set $turkey = 1>><<set $porcelainkey = 1>>

Oh, nicely done! Still locked, tho. <<display "up the very possibly safe staircase.">>

It's locked.<<if $porcelainkey eq 0>> <<display "up the very possibly safe staircase.">><<else>> But hey! your porcelain key worked. How about that. <<display "dollroom">> <</if>>

The double doors protest as you open them onto the musty darkness. The shadow is complete. <<replacelink "You will have to enter blindly.">> <<replacelink "The boards creak. Only another few groping steps, surely.">> <<replacelink "A carapace crunches under your heel. Is that a skittering sound?">> <<replacelink "The door seems quite far behind you now.">> [[Click.]]<</replacelink>><</replacelink>><</replacelink>><</replacelink>>

<<if $dollroom eq 2>>You stand within the destroyed dollroom. Past your eager handiwork is a [[crawlspace door.|Terrific!]] You're also welcome to [[go back downstairs.|foyer]] <<else>><<once>><<set $dollroom = 1>>A bitter yellow light spreads from the tasselled lamp. <</once>>You stand within the demented dollroom. Every wall holds a shelf--every shelf holds a cotillion's worth of lacy trimmings and glittering skin and pale black eyes and Americana-themed props. Somewhere, a music box tinkles a greatest hit from one of the scarier decades in American folk music. So...[[back out slowly, then all the way down the stairs?|foyer]] <<if $saber eq 2>>Or, and this is just a thought, but how's about going [[ham fucking sandwich]] with that saber you grabbed earlier?<<else>>Or [[back out very quickly, then all the way down the stairs?|foyer]]<</if>><</if>>

The next few minutes are a blur. It is entirely possible that every single doll in the room leaps at you in an occult frenzy. It is equally possible that you are getting a bit overimaginative as you personally rend, rip, stab, smack, hack, slash, crash, thrash, trash, and jump and down on while sobbing and limply shaking your wrists every single Precious-Moments-looking motherfucker in the room. At some point you contrive to snap the antique saber, something that a much sterner person in an actual battle against flesh-and-bone men failed to do, so have a think on that. Well, huh. Behind the creepy dolls on one shelf there's a dusty paint-peeling crawlspace door. [[Terrific!]]<<set $dollroom = 2>> [[Fortunately, you can still go back.|foyer]]

<<if $sweet eq 0>>Oh, thank goodness it's locked. <<display "Click.">><<else>>Your boiled-sweet key fits the minute lock ideally. The tumblers click...and behind you, a doll fragment cracks gently under a heavy slipper. <<hoverreplace>>[[Okay, instead of turning around you should probably just run.|run]]<<becomes>>[[Okay instead of tOH GOD SHE'S GOING FOR YOU RUN|run]]<</hoverreplace>><</if>>

You stumble out the foyer, down the front porch, and across the moonlit yard. Frustrated screams follow you all the way down the hill. Somewhere in the lonely windswept plains of Saxon, an evil flexes its roots with restored passion. A wind carries the news for many miles; a foul vibration, a warning without voice. Dogs bay and lash at nothing, ignoring rest or meals. Rats flee in packs down abandoned country roads. Mothers lock second-story windows and cannot say why. And in a very few places, where hearts are attuned, minds sharpened, and souls are steeled against the great horrors buried only just beneath the surface of modernity, rueful eyes turn to the malevolent facade and foreboding gables of Heathbridge Manor.<<if $poison eq 1>> Anyway, you get food poisoning from that horrible turkey and shit yourself to death.<<else>> Everybody at school thinks you're pretty cool, though.<</if>> --THE END--

You scramble headlong into the cramped and musty hell. Your nascent Echolocation works its minor miracles as you fumble, stumble, and head-on tumble through the nightmare shadow. The crone's ghastly, rasping laughter and flip-flapping slippers are never far behind. The passage is narrowing. Your legs are cramping. You can almost feel her breath on your ankles. If you don't soon find a way out... What's this? Oh, thank goodness! It's a human skull. This is exactly the sort of thing your loser friends wanted to make into a bong. This trip was starting to feel entirely pointless. Good thing you came in here and checked this dead end! [[...wait.]]

The crone giggles in the blackness as a knife grinds horribly against a honing steel. Your life flickers before your eyes, but it's pretty dark in here, so you don't see much of it. <<replacelink "The crone creeps forward...">>crrCRACK You blink settling dust and splinters from your eyes. You're on your back in the gallery, ossified trophy on your gut. From a hole in the ceiling, two pale sclera and a furious howl find you. You've got an interesting notion. Funny thing, just occurred to you. [[Why don't you leave immediately right now very quickly?|ENDING]]<</replacelink>>

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